Driving Me Crazy!

Well, like all parents of 16 year-olds, I had to take Gladys out in the car. That is, she drove-kinda.

Let me start by saying she's a great kid. Funny, funny, funny. Makes me laugh until I cry. But, her driving is no laughing matter.

--starting the engine---"Mom!!! Get your seat belt on!!!!!" (Christ kid, do I look that STOOPID???)

--driving down the hill---"You can start pressing on the brakes. Anytime, now...really ! ! Like RIGHT NOW would be great!"--I have whiplash from her sudden braking, she says--"I like Dad better. He doesn't yell." (Yeah, well, he went UP the hill with her...not DOWN!)

--Heading towards the school---"Honey, you're a little too close to the edge of the road." "Mom! I'm afraid I am taking up the WHOLE road if I'm not over!" "Honey, there is no way, in this dinky ass vehicle, that you can hog the road." "I wish Dad was home." "Me, too!" "What?" "Oh, nothin."

--Parking practice at the school--"Mom open your door." "Why?" "I want to make sure I'm between the lines." "Oh."

--Again, parking-- "Mom, open your door." "Are you kidding me??!" "No! I want to see."

--Once more--"Mom!" "Alright! Christ, this is bordering on the retarded!" "What?" "Nothing!" "I wish Dad was here." (no shit!)

---Driving to Rt. 616-- "Should I turn on my signal?" "Yes." "When?" "Now. Now would be good." "It's not too early is it?" "Um, no." "I think I turned them on too early." " No, and STOP! STOP! STOP!" (feet thumping) "Geez--there's a stop sign!" "Where?!" "Right there!!!" (we zoom past) "Holy Shit...Oh my god! What if there had been a car????" "They HID the stop sign...I didn't see it! See--they hid it!" (heart begins to start pumping again)

--Going thru the tunnels-- (In my head,"oh my god...oh my god...") "Stop it!" "What?!" "Iheard that!" "I didn't say a word!" "I know, but I still heard it! I wish Dad was home."

--Driving around--- "Let's go home." "Why? We haven't even been out for an hour." "Yes, we have. We left at 2:20 and now it's 3:16. I wanna go home." "Why?" "Why? Why?!!!! I am car sick. I have whiplash. My ankle is broken from stomping on the imaginary brake. Oh, and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep the horrible comments in my head!!" "Fine!" "Yeah, I know...you wsh Dad was home!"