Serious stuff today

I just have to journal a little today. I am frustrated, angry, sad and confused. My grandmother's situation is overwhelming me. Heidi came over last night and said she figured since she hadn't heard from me, something big must be up. Gotta love your friends, huh? I looked at her and saw how skinny she has gotten and I just became even more depressed. I hate being this way. She is the most kind and loving person...and here I am jealous because I am not skinny anymore.
Truevalueman keeps harping on me on how I don't spend Thursday with him. I tried to explain that I don't get a choice when we have these team meetings with the Hospice. But he thinks I should schedule at his convenience, not theirs, I guess.
The kids are just nasty. I think you are right Spacey, I have created my own monster. And I think Momma Bear is right, as well...they know I am weak right now. Funny thing is, I would never treat my children this way if they were hurting. So I am a bit surprised at how I am being treated. Little Man is overcompensating for his sisters. I tell him I am ok, that he doesn't HAVE to take care of me. He just wants to make sure I am OK. I reassure as much as I can. I am not dying, I am greiving.
I am greiving on so many levels I scare myself. My oldest is growing up, my grandma is dying, my relationship with my mother is dead, my uncle may not recover fully from the bladder cancer, and I am sick and tired of my significant other!
Needless to say...I am fried. Stick a fork in me, I am done.
I do have to say that for the first time in my life, my friendships are sustaining me. All of you have asked nothing from and given me everything. It is the only thing reminding me the God is watching over me. Thank you!